It’s important to stop and think about how we should behave at funerals and farewell ceremonies. Traditionally we do it in person and currently we have the online option. Keeping a light and subtle behavior makes all the difference.
I will list below some simple and useful tips for day-to-day guidance:
1) It is essential to know what to say and how to position ourselves.
Sometimes, in an attempt to comfort the family, we verbalize phrases such as: “He/she would prefer it that way” or “It was God’s will” or “He/she is certainly in a better place”.
These phrases are common, but may not resonate well with family members. You can replace it with: “I can’t imagine the size of your pain” or “you are not alone” or “I’m sorry for this very delicate moment”.
Depending on the scenario, a “tender and welcoming” look is enough. Sometimes it is better and wiser to remain silent. Get closer and be helpful, help with whatever it takes, let the family simply see you and feel your presence.
Avoid excesses. Go to the family and loved one, with subtlety, avoid speaking loudly or laughing. Leave your cell phone in silent mode, remember that this is a sensitive and delicate moment. Replace agitation with attitudes that bring peace to the bereaved family.
2) Regarding clothing.
We must always have common sense. These occasions call for well-behaved, formal or informal clothes, in sober tones, shoes and discreet make-up. The intention is not to draw attention but to give attention to family members.
3) Online funerals.
It may be that you are present at an online wake and the family is not aware. Faced with this, the most assertive thing is to leave a loving message. Thus, the family will receive your “hug” through the message and will feel comforted.
4) Don’t forget to pay your respects.
Your presence will be a tribute, but if that’s not possible, send a floral arrangement with an affectionate message, or a welcoming message via cell phone, and in this case, you can even send a photo with the loved one contextualizing a happy moment and providing good memories.
Your presence, or sending messages and tributes, will certainly help the family in the grieving process, as they will not feel alone and will eternalize a moment with more lightness. The tributes have enormous sentimental value.
And finally, if you cannot attend at all, send a message of condolences justifying your absence. With this attitude you will show affection, respect and that you really care about the family’s pain and want to somehow show your affection.
And finally, exercising empathy and compassion is very important. The fact of putting ourselves in the other’s shoes, especially in this scenario, will drive us to have attitudes of love to bring relief to our neighbor. These are attitudes that will bring benefits to both parties.
“Produce relief. There’s already too much pain inside people“. *¹
We can truly transform moments of “death” into “life”, with simple and sincere attitudes.
*¹ Phrase attributed to Prof. Alexandre Silva – Nurse, PhD in palliative care.
Text written by Stael Veiga
