The pandemic has made grief even more difficult, but you still have to go through this moment. Technological solutions have emerged to bring people together online..
Pandemic
We currently live in a totally improbable time. If two years ago, we could imagine that we would go through such a relentless pandemic, we would certainly say that this would be impossible. But the fact is, the unimaginable happened and we saw our reality change drastically, leading us to reflect that we really have no control over absolutely nothing in our lives.
Adaptation
Faced with this, we were forced to change our way of life, developing routines and establishing new study, work, social life habits, among others, in order to adapt to this new reality that unexpectedly came upon us.
One of the most difficult and real issues that we still have to face is death, the moment of saying goodbye to so many loved ones. People we love, and who so quickly and abruptly left us. The reality of such an unexpected loss took us by surprise, leading us to the other side of such a difficult issue, which was taken away from us: the right to mourn our loved ones in person.
Importance of mourning
Psychologist Luciana Mazorra, in her article “Covid-19, even without a face-to-face wake, mourning must be experienced” praises the importance of this moment: “The reduction or elimination of farewell rituals, or funerals, has consequences for the process of preparing mourning, as well as the impossibility of saying goodbye to the loved one. Rituals represent a protected and authorized space for the expression of pain, the possibility of receiving social support, honoring the loved one and trying to attribute meaning to death. Another complication of mourning at this time, due to quarantine and physical distancing, is that the bereaved end up receiving less social support, contacts are less frequent.”
And now? What can be done to solve this very important and urgent need?
Online funerals
Virtual farewell ceremonies emerged in this scenario, at first, as an urgent and necessary palliative, through video calls, virtual platforms, post-funeral family gatherings, among other options, so that somehow the family would not feel alone and helpless in such a delicate and sensitive moment. It is at this point that I want to bring a reflection, of the reality that I have experienced with great propriety, in several ceremonies conducted by me.
Currently, the online farewell ceremony has become a bridge of love and life, which extends the path and provides us with words of comfort and welcome, even if virtually, and allows us to embrace family and friends. What makes us participants in such a sensitive moment, and which in one way or another allows us to honor our loved one and above all, makes us externalize life, in the environment of death, and yes, I repeat, in a virtual way.
We might think: Oh! Is not the same thing! The genuine tradition of the in-person wake pulsates stronger, and is totally understandable; but what about the life and love that are within us, can they only be externalized in person, or do those feelings that are so strong and true overcome the barrier of presence? Our look, our words, the hug, even with our eyes, make all the difference for the bereaved family and make them feel welcomed, especially at this current time, when social distancing is necessary.
Connection
And above all, even virtually, we can honor, sensitively honor, the legacy, history and memory of the departing loved one. And all of this helps in the elaboration of family mourning and makes them feel embraced and loved, transforming the moment of pain into love!
And finally, a very sensitive moment is eternalized, but I understand that with acceptance, love, empathy, compassion, we can transform the moment of death into life, further softening the negative impact of not watching over or honoring our loved ones. Today, more than ever, it’s time to connect bridges of love and life!
Let’s think about it!
*¹ – Excerpt from the article “Covid-19, even without a wake in person, mourning must be experienced”, attributed to psychologist Luciana Mazorra.
Text written by Stael Veiga
